You’re not in control. You never have been.

Anyone else struggle their whole lives with control? *raises hand* it has mostly taken over much of my life prior to healing and caused so much anxiety and OCD. It’s so hard to relinquish control, but once I started to let go- I began to trust more of letting go. During my accident, I lay on a metal trauma table in the ER. They were prepping me for surgery unbeknownst to me at the time. I felt every cell in my body dying. My brain began to panic! I was fighting mentally but my body was dying and could not. So I began to frantically beg the doctors “please tell me I will live, survive and be ok to see my babies again!”

“We can’t make any promises.”

That has to be the worst thing to hear whilst bleeding out knowing there is a great possibility I was painfully entering death. I asked finally, Can I go to sleep now? (They wouldn’t let me rest for hours fearing I would fall into an irreversible coma)

“Yes, you can rest now”

My mind whispered “God if you are real, please let your will be done and save me, I don’t want to leave my children behind.”

I woke up 3 days later.

“You are not in control and never have been.”